The Meet Hope Podcast

89: Back to School Transitions: Cultivating Independence and Faith with Your Kids

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Ever wondered how to seamlessly transition your kids from the carefree days of summer to the structured school year? Join in as Amanda Cavaliere, Director of Tomorrow's Hope Preschool and HOPE Marriage/Parenting Coordinator chats with Suzanne Passanante, an experienced kindergarten teacher. Learn practical tips on fostering independence and confidence in children of all ages. With personal anecdotes and practical advice, this episode offers wisdom and support, encouraging parents to lean on their community and faith as they guide their kids.

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Speaker 1:

Lord, we thank you for our children and the way that you have given them to us as a gift and a blessing, and we know that you love them way more than we do, and so we trust them to you in the school year ahead. We thank you for the teachers and the caregivers who are going to be with them in the times that we are not, and ask God that you would help our children to grow in love and knowledge and stature of you each day, and we pray for our children in your name, amen.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Meet Hope podcast, where we have conversations about faith and hope. Hope is one church made of people living out their faith through two expressions in person and online. We believe a hybrid faith experience can lead to a growing influence in our community and our world for the sake of others. Welcome to Hope.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Meet Hope podcast. My name is Amanda Cavalieri and I am part of the family ministry team here at Hope as well as the director of Tomorrow's Hope Preschool, and today I'm joined by a colleague and friend, Suzanne Passanante. Hi, Suzanne, Hi Amanda, Thanks for having me here. Oh, I'm so excited to talk with you today. So Suzanne is the kindergarten teacher at Tomorrow's Hope Preschool and she was the preschool teacher for both of my children here. I was so blessed that she was the first teacher my son had here, and then she looped up to kindergarten and you had my daughter twice. So I'm just have such fond memories of when you taught my kids and now we get to work side by side and have a beautiful friendship. So I'm excited to talk with you today.

Speaker 3:

Yes, I'm very excited to be here Just to give a background about myself and my experience. I've been teaching here at Tomorrow's Hope for 13 years. Like Amanda said, I taught preschool and now I'm starting my ninth year at kindergarten oh my gosh, Wow. And prior to being home with my two children, I taught pre-kindergarten and second grade. So about myself I have two children. I have a son who is going to be 21 next month he's a junior in college and a daughter who is 18 and going off to school in a couple weeks for the first time.

Speaker 1:

So you're entering a whole new phase of life.

Speaker 3:

Yes, and I'd like to say it's fun, but there's a lot of emotion behind it, as anyone could imagine.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely yeah, big changes. Anyone could imagine? Absolutely yeah, big changes, big changes, yes. So I love that because you have the perspective of teaching the littles and raising up and now sending kids to college and launching them into the world, and so we're going to get to talk a little bit to parents today about how to do that well, because you do that well, so you get to share some tips. So going back to school brings a lot of emotion. We're going in that, going back to school season. What are some ways that parents can help set their children up for success? And maybe we can talk through a couple of different ages, because it's different as they as they grow, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

I think it's pretty safe to say that we all want a smooth transition. Oh yeah, it would be wonderful if there were no tears and tantrums and everything went smoothly. But that's not reality?

Speaker 3:

That's not reality, but we can turn that into a positive thing, a learning experience. Positive thing, a learning experience, something that helps children to cope and just deal with their environment. So I would say the first and most important thing is their routine, their daily routine, whether it be their morning routine after they come home from school, their nighttime routine, all of it's very important. A routine helps a child feel in control of their environment and helps to teach them to master skills, more challenging skills.

Speaker 1:

And that's hard coming off of summer because in summer there's often no routine and then we go into school and kids are like wait a minute, I've lost all control of my free time Absolutely.

Speaker 3:

You're like, wait a minute, I've lost all control of my free time Absolutely. And that is something that you might want to start prior to school beginning, instead of just turning it on all of a sudden the first day of school. Slowly build upon that as the weeks are leading up to the beginning of school. I would say for a preschool age child you know the morning routine is important. Address it in the beginning, have a time that they wake up, they eat breakfast, brush their teeth, get dressed, whatever your routine, whatever works for your family, same with elementary, even the teen years. Just having that routine in place and sticking with it. I would also say allowing children to try and maybe even fail at certain tasks. You know, start with some chores, easy chores like making their bed or packing their own lunch or their backpacks. That's great for preschool and elementary children.

Speaker 1:

All of these things help to build independence right, and whatever their age, what's the next thing that they could be doing to develop some independence? Because the independence will lead to confidence. Yes, right, yes, and you know, three-year-olds can do things for themselves, absolutely. Absolutely it may take longer for them to get dressed. Yes, it may be, messier. Yes, yes.

Speaker 3:

But they can, they can, they can you know and. I think what's important to know is if we do everything for our children. Like we're moms, we want to help our babies, but it's also doing a disservice, because when they get out in the world, they're going to expect everything to be done for them. So it's important to teach our children that they can do for themselves and there are certain skills at certain ages that they can do and we can build upon that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and if they can do it for themselves, we shouldn't be doing it for them, correct?

Speaker 3:

Especially like you're saying it could take longer, it could be messier.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's hard in the morning, right it's hard in the morning sometimes because you're in this rush to get out the door, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely, but all the more reason why we need to focus on that, maybe build in a little extra time too. Yes, don't bring it all the way to the minute right before we have to leave for the bus or to school, that is certain to bring on some yelling. Oh yes.

Speaker 1:

Most definitely, which doesn't help with the confidence in feeling more comfortable going to school, which doesn't help with the confidence in feeling more comfortable going to school, and you know, going back to school, really, regardless of the age, can bring that big emotion of anxiety.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

Even older kids who have been going back to school for years and years and years are still that. Will my teacher be nice? Will I have a lot of homework? You know All these thoughts are totally normal for kids. So talk about what can parents do to help their child if they're having some anxiety about going back to school.

Speaker 3:

So anxiety is normal, like you said, and it is okay to live in that for a little bit because that is a feeling that we all are going to have sometime in our lives. However, we want to acknowledge that with our children, we want to validate it, but then we want to move on. You have a saying. You know we don't want to live in it. So, yes, you can start off reading about starting school, talking about your feelings, how we can or what we can expect when school starts, but then we need to move on. We need to Do other activities crafts, games, other things that again build the confidence and let your children know that it's okay to be nervous about school and they will get through it. So I know at the preschool level, something that was very helpful, I know, with my children we had the mommy and child bracelet. That was very helpful. We had the mommy and child bracelet. That was very helpful.

Speaker 3:

A book that I read, still in my kindergarten class, is the Kissing Hand, yes, and about the mommy giving the baby raccoon a kiss on his little hand, and that was very helpful. I used that with my son when he started preschool, even at elementary. I know with example with my daughter. She was very anxious about second grade. Her little bestie was put into a different class and she did not want to go. She buried her head in the couch and that was it. And you know, I contacted the school and the school was wonderful and they took us on a tour of her classroom and we met her teacher and you might be able to reach out to your child's school.

Speaker 3:

I've also used with her. She is my anxious child. She would come home and I would say give me two things that made you smile today, one thing that maybe made you nervous or made you sad or made you laugh, anything. Okay, and then that was it. We moved on. Okay, we did something else. Yes, so again, you don't want to live in that anxiety constantly, talking about it constantly. It just will grow, exactly.

Speaker 1:

Yes, what about those college kids going off? Any anxiety on those big kids leaving your house and teen kids?

Speaker 3:

I would say really, I know I do this with my children, just get to to involved in what they're doing. My kids love Starbucks. Uh, we love to go to Panera, whatever we sit and we chat.

Speaker 3:

We have a cup of coffee and their little drinks that they like. This summer we've done a lot of college shopping, so we've made that a day out lunch and just talking about different feelings. A lot comes out when they're on their grounds and they're having their moment to shine, so it's a good way to talk to your teen or your college student about expectations.

Speaker 1:

Right. So we know that our kids take cues from us, right? So if we are confident, they are more likely to be confident, and if we're anxious about something, they're also going to be more likely to have anxiety about it. So let's say you're a parent and you want your child to have confidence and be excited about the school year, but you really, personally, are nervous yourself. So how do you navigate that?

Speaker 3:

So I would say and this is something I've heard across the board with many different topics self-care is huge. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anybody else and be a good role model. I think that goes without saying. Of course, you also can recognize different things that will bring on anxiety, different triggers, different things that cause you to feel anxious, and figuring out how to navigate through it. How to navigate through it. I remember being a preschool mom down in our wing and you know, watching our children, my children, go off and, yes, it's very scary, but knowing that there are other parents around who are going through the same thing, they're like, minded they have, they're in the same situation and just getting to chat with them in the hallway or joining an activity within the school Right, and getting to know the other parents and your children's friends' parents Right. So, having a community, having a huge community, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1:

People that are going through the same thing.

Speaker 3:

An emotional community that you know you have a sounding board.

Speaker 1:

It's so helpful when you know I'm not the only one who feels this way, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely yes.

Speaker 1:

Lots of big emotions A lot and it doesn't.

Speaker 3:

I'd like to say it doesn't end as they get older, but it's like I said you're always going to have these feelings. We have to learn how to navigate through them.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes. So how has your faith helped you with this? And really you're in the letting go as parents. We are in the letting go process the whole time. Right that we are parents. Some of the best advice I heard from a parent was you know, if I do my job? Well, I work myself out of a job and so every step out of the way I'm leading my kids to adulthood, right?

Speaker 2:

We're raising adults. We aren't raising kids.

Speaker 1:

This is the goal. It doesn't make it easy, but our faith can certainly help that. This is God's design right For parents. So how has your faith helped you in this letting go process?

Speaker 3:

So, from a very small age, my children just took comfort in knowing that God was with them, walking beside them. That was always something that we would pray upon and it was just something, something we said, we knew, all of us, and that I would find would bring them a lot of comfort, knowing that they were not alone. Even though they had mommy and daddy next to them, it still was comforting to know that Jesus was walking right by their side. He was in their heart. We had daily devotions. I think that would bring a lot of comfort to them. Um, we would just pray for calmness, praying.

Speaker 3:

Praying is just such a soothing and calming, just activity you know Um, we had our mealtime prayer and I thought I remember doing and this may not be pertinent to all situations, but when my children were here, their classes would have mealtime prayers.

Speaker 3:

So, we would just incorporate that in our daily life. Sure, and it just, you know, it made them feel important and knowing that they had that in their classroom and they had that at home. So we would always pray at mealtime and just talk about our day and just knowing again that God was walking with us each day. Yeah, that was huge, huge, still is. Yes, yes, can was huge, huge.

Speaker 1:

Still is yes, yes, can you share some words of encouragement for parents this fall?

Speaker 3:

Yes. So I would say you need to trust your child's educator, work with them, open that line of communication. It's okay to let your child's teacher know that, that you're struggling at home with some anxiety and your child, you know, maybe your child doesn't want to go to school, maybe they're giving you know they're having a hard time with that letting go. Of course you know that's a normal thing, like we said, but the goal is for them to go off to school.

Speaker 1:

And the goal is for them to you know, leave the nest, so to speak and you know that 98% of the time, as soon as the school day starts, the children acclimate and are fine, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

It's just, and having the foresight to know that that is what is going to happen once they get to school and, like you said, 98% of the time it happens, I don't know if you know this, but when Dominic was in your class when he was three, he went through.

Speaker 1:

I don't want to go to school phase. Really, and he wouldn't get dressed and he would run and hide. And I'd have to, I had to like physically dress him and put him in the car and kicking and screaming and carrying on, and then we would walk down the hallway and he'd walk in your room like beyond the place.

Speaker 3:

Never had any idea.

Speaker 1:

It was unbelievable. It felt like we've been through World War III in my house to get him to school and then he's fine.

Speaker 3:

And I'm going to honestly tell you we never had any issues once he was in that classroom, Happy as a day. Yeah, so it's. So, yes, that is. There is a lot of truth to that. That anxiety at home, building up to it and then coming in, they're completely different and they just, the more they get into that routine, the more it just becomes a normalcy. And I think what's huge is you have to remember you're the parent. You're in charge, you need to establish the good limits and the good boundaries for your child.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 3:

And that's huge. That's huge throughout all parenting situations. So, um, you know, the goal is to to prepare our children and and have them become functional members of society. So we want them to be able to conquer this anxiety. Yes, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and and set up, set them up for success, Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

September can be bumpy and and you know it takes time you know, it does it takes time.

Speaker 1:

Um they say about six weeks to get into a new routine, especially coming out of summer, where where life is just very different.

Speaker 3:

Um, so it just time and consistency and just you know, keep that routine, Keep smiling, keep smiling.

Speaker 1:

And if you have to cry, you wait till the kids are in school, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

You won't be the first, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, okay.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm so grateful for your time. I know, as a teacher, you're busy getting ready for the first day. You've got a lot going on, so thank you for taking some time out of your busy schedule to share with the parents listening today and bringing them some great words of advice and encouragement, and to all of our listeners who are sending kids back to school. We wish everyone a wonderful school year and thanks for listening.

Speaker 2:

Thanks for being a part of the Hope Community as we continue our conversations about faith and hope. If you don't already, please join us for worship on Sundays or on demand. You can learn more at meethopeorg or find us on socials at meethopechurch.