56: Top 3 Episodes - #3 - Faith AND: How Our Faith Partners with Our Families with Amanda & Lou Cavaliere
Jan 01, 2024
Hello Listeners! In celebration of the new year, we're looking back to our top 3 episodes that you downloaded and listened to the most in 2023! We'll be back with new content on January 22 - until then we hope you enjoy re-experiencing these wonderful stories of HOPE or experiencing them for the first time! Here is your number three downloaded episode: Episode # 13 - Faith AND: How Our Faith Partners with Our Families with Amanda & Lou Cavaliere
------------- Today is week two of our three episode series where we take a look at how our faith partners with other parts of our lives every day. For this first episode Heather Mandala talks with Amanda & Lou Cavaliere on what it looks like to practice our faith in the day to day life of family life and raising kids.
Thanks for being a part of the HOPE community as we continue conversations about faith and hope! You can learn more at meethope.org or find us on socials @meethopechurch. Join in for worship on Sundays at meethope.live! Have a question? Contact us at podcast@meethope.org.
Hello Listeners! In celebration of the new year, we're looking back to our top 3 episodes that you downloaded and listened to the most in 2023! We'll be back with new content on January 22 - until then we hope you enjoy re-experiencing these wonderful stories of HOPE or experiencing them for the first time! Here is your number three downloaded episode: Episode # 13 - Faith AND: How Our Faith Partners with Our Families with Amanda & Lou Cavaliere
------------- Today is week two of our three episode series where we take a look at how our faith partners with other parts of our lives every day. For this first episode Heather Mandala talks with Amanda & Lou Cavaliere on what it looks like to practice our faith in the day to day life of family life and raising kids.
Thanks for being a part of the HOPE community as we continue conversations about faith and hope! You can learn more at meethope.org or find us on socials @meethopechurch. Join in for worship on Sundays at meethope.live! Have a question? Contact us at podcast@meethope.org.
Speaker 1:
Hello listeners, in celebration of the new year, we're looking back to our top three episodes that you downloaded and listened to the most in 2023. We'll be back with new content on January 22, but until then, we hope you enjoy re-experiencing these wonderful stories of hope, or experiencing them for the first time. Here is your number 3 downloaded episode, episode 13,. Faith and how Our Faith Partners with our families, with Amanda and Lou Cavallieri.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to the Meet Hope podcast, where we have conversations about faith and hope. Hope is one church made of people living out their faith through two expressions in person and online. We believe a hybrid faith experience can lead to a growing influence in our community and our world for the sake of others. Welcome to Hope.
Speaker 3:
Hello, my name is Heather Mandela. I'm one of the pastors here at Hope and I am excited to be doing this series on how our faith impacts every other aspect of our lives. And so today I have Amanda and Lou Cavallieri with me, and I'm really excited to have them here talking about parenting and marriage. So, without further ado, lou, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 4:
Yes, well, thanks for having us. Lou Cavallieri. Amanda and I have been married for 20 years. We have two children. I work as a firefighter in Eusham Township, also involved in coaching both kids, right now currently coaching Isabelle Socker and LaCrosse teams and yeah, so busy with that. Here at Hope, I am involved in the worship team. I've been playing drums since I was a kid. Played a little guitar, so, yeah, so.
Speaker 3:
Excellent, and I do love watching you drum. Let me tell you it's one of my favorite things, so thanks for sharing that with us. Amanda, tell me about yourself.
Speaker 5:
Sure. So I am the preschool director here at Tomorrow's Hope and I've been doing that for about eight years. I'm a teacher by training and I'm excited because this summer I get to expand my role a little bit and work on developing a ministry for marriage and parenting.
Speaker 3:
I am very excited Challenging areas.
Speaker 5:
Yes, because it is not easy.
Speaker 3:
Right, it is not. It is not easy. That's excellent. Well, thank you so much for joining us. I'm looking forward to finding out how you guys make faith work in your family. So tell me, how do you bring it into the everyday? What do you do?
Speaker 5:
So we try to work it in organically. So, yes, we will say prayers before dinner or before bed, but we really try to talk about where we've seen God in our days and point it out in natural ways rather than systematic set ways.
Speaker 4:
Right. So, for instance, the other day I was out with Isabel it was early in the morning and just taking a sunrise and just taking time to recognize that and to point it out and then to relate it to God's creation and just being grateful for the time one you get to spend together. But we like to enjoy the outdoors. So if I'm on a bike ride with Dom, I'm just getting to enjoy God's creation, but it is it's taking the time to to actually take a moment and say, hey, like you know, they don't check.
Speaker 4:
It is out, you know and you know. Just yeah, taking time to recognize that Because, yes, it is. You know it's hard sometimes to work in routines.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I mean, I don't know about your house. I know we had these ideas when the kids were young. We were going to do devotions every night, we were going to sit together as a family and we were going to read scripture and we were going to pray, and it was going to be this amazing life transforming experience. And that didn't play out the way we expected it. So how about you guys? Have you had experience?
Speaker 4:
It's very similar. Like you said, you never know what's going to happen or how things are going to roll out, and like it is very important to build in those routines, like we mentioned. You know we feel. Like you know family time is very important, you know. So, whether it's, you know, we are grateful enough. We have breakfast together Most days when I'm not working, but then, you know, always have, you know, dinner again on the shifts and all that there. But you know, just trying to work on those routines, but, yes, like to try to sit down to do you know, don't with Dom, I don't know how many times like trying to do a devotion and then you get like a dare to into it and you know it's like you miss a day and then it's like, oh man, I'm such a terrible thought.
Speaker 4:
You try to teach him like. You know the importance of, you know just the consistency in the to work, you know reading the Bible into your everyday life. And then it's like you know, you just it's like you're failing, so it's like, yeah, so it's definitely.
Speaker 5:
There's tests, there's after school things. There's a lot of things that come into the family, oh, but good as a friend.
Speaker 3:
Drama, and yeah, dinner wasn't until 730 and we have to shower. Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 4:
So it's a lot easier to take those like the friend drama images, a lot easier to take those everyday moments and make that into a learning point or a teaching point and relate it to our faith and how. You know, which is not easy to do, you know, but in today's world, but you know, to try to say hey, listen, you know. Yeah, this is what's going on. We can pray for them, we can do this, do that for them, you know.
Speaker 3:
And I don't know about you, but I do find when I go about my day with that mindset like helping them find God, I'm blessed by it too, you know, because when I'm consciously looking for where God showed up to point it out to them, I can't help but see it myself. So it becomes a much more natural process and it fulfills me as well. But yes, so part of applying our faith with our kids is dealing with those hard questions that they're going to have Now how old did you say your children were?
Speaker 5:
So our son is 13 turning 14, getting ready to start high school in the fall, and our daughter is 10 turning 11, getting ready to start middle school in the fall.
Speaker 3:
So, we have a whole new era of parenting upon us, I feel you and you have lots of hard questions ahead, yes, so how do you deal with those hard questions?
Speaker 5:
So, hard questions come at the most unexpected times and sometimes they're not even hard in nature, it's just you're not ready for them. So very often, when they do come, the first thing is our reaction. Right is not even what we say next, but how our body reacts. So our children are going to say things that shock us, scare us, make us want to laugh, and we just need to try our best to hold that in and have a calm demeanor. Let our face not really show how we're feeling inside, because as soon as we react.
Speaker 5:
It can shut them down, it can make them feel embarrassed or ashamed, and we really want to keep those lines of communication open. But the second thing is, when a hard question is asked is oftentimes I'll ask them a question back and I'll answer their question with a question and try and figure out what it is that they are really trying to learn, because often what I think I'm asking is not what they are saying at all.
Speaker 3:
Yes, we had that incident when my kids were little. They were like what's sex? Like, uh, and I fortunately thought to say what do you mean? Like show me what you need, where you're seeing this or where you heard this? And they were trying to fill out a form for school and just had to choose male or female.
Speaker 4:
But, I could have gone into quite a dissertation about what sex is Right.
Speaker 3:
Yes, so yeah it's really truly finding out there. That's often what.
Speaker 4:
I'll do so a lot of times. I'll defer to a man because I was a little bit. No, because I do, I'll sometimes say, oh, that's right, and all those are things that I think I don't know if it's just being a dad or being a guy. Sometimes we I will be the one to be like what? Like you know something?
Speaker 3:
Wait, do you react emotionally?
Speaker 4:
Yes, I have to really think about and really control my reaction. But a lot of times too, I will. I'll be the one because I like to talk, I'll just go off. But to offer too much detail, I would talk about the detail. I'll answer the question and then they'll look at me and be like, uh, the glazed over.
Speaker 3:
look the glazed over look.
Speaker 4:
So I'm like, oh, that wasn't what you were asking. Did I give you too much information?
Speaker 5:
Yes, and every stage in every phase is different. So oftentimes less words is better, until we really know what we're looking at. I feel, like you could say it's always better.
Speaker 3:
Less words are always. And now, where do you find most of these questions happen Always in the car.
Speaker 5:
Yes, they are always in the car because we were not having eye contact in the car. So those hard questions come up when we're driving, because they don't have to look at us and they feel more comfortable. And just a word of the wise. A word of the wise If it's ever a question about health class, just be prepared.
Speaker 3:
Yes, very true. I do agree with that and, honestly, even post my kids getting their licenses, I still would offer to drive them places, because I knew that was one-on-one time where we would talk.
Speaker 3:
And where they would talk about things that they wouldn't talk about around the dinner table or that they wouldn't talk about while watching TV with me. So the car can be a really useful tool as well, even though it can also be somewhat terrifying at times. Well, so one of the things, I think that our kids you talked a lot about modeling, you know and that our children learn about faith through watching us, and part of that is being authentic. So tell me, how do you do that well with your kids?
Speaker 5:
Well, and I think the challenge of parenting is that it is a non-stop job, so we are on display 24-7, and so the kids see us at our best and they see us at our worst, and oftentimes that happens in the home of you know, when you finally let your guard down and they see who we really are, in a sense of you know I lost my cool or I said words I wouldn't have said you know, outside of the home or and we try to, just when we do that, to apologize and say to our kids you know, I messed up, I didn't handle this appropriately and I'm sorry, and oftentimes it's and I'm sorry and will you forgive me.
Speaker 3:
Yeah.
Speaker 4:
All right, I know it's gonna happen. There's no perfect parent, you know. There's no perfect, you know you know, formulation here and had it you know.
Speaker 4:
So, yes, and no, knowing that you know, and but yes, like being honest, like honesty is huge. Being honest, you know with you know not only the children but with your spouse too and and you know it's being a team with your spouse, but yeah, the honesty is huge. You know, we think, you know, we tell our kids, you know, we tell them how it is and you know, which is not always easy but again yes, it's here realizing you're gonna you know you're gonna mess up, you're gonna make a mistake.
Speaker 4:
So I was positive about the other day for something you know and you know be asking them, asking for forgiveness, and you know yeah, and it does.
Speaker 3:
It is hard because I know we've we've made that same decision that we've always gonna be honest with our kids. You know we don't give them too much financial information but we'll let them know where we are. You know, like no, we can't do that right now because that's not gonna fit in our budget. And same thing yes, so-and-so is sick. But you know they've got good doctors and we're gonna pray for them and we're going to see how we can serve them. You know, rather than try to make it quote-unquote easier for them, we had.
Speaker 5:
I'm gonna tell the story. We didn't talk about this, but years ago our neighbors had a bunny who would get out and run away all the time, and the first time it happened my kids were very upset and I said you know what? Let's pray for the bunny to be found. And Lou, afterwards I'm telling him and he said why would you do that? That bunny's out and dead why?
Speaker 1:
would you pray for the?
Speaker 5:
bunny. Guess what the bunny was found. Oh my gosh, that's awesome, but I mean this goes back to authentic but it's honest and you know, maybe God will answer this prayer. Maybe not, but how do I you know we're all worried we're all sad, and here's what we can do about it. You know we don't know where the bunny is but let's pray and that bunny, I mean, we pray for the bunny a lot.
Speaker 4:
We're supposed to read the book. I'm still gonna write a book about.
Speaker 5:
Buttercup the Bunny yes.
Speaker 3:
That was the best prayed over bunny ever.
Speaker 5:
Yes.
Speaker 3:
Yes.
Speaker 1:
Oh my goodness, that's really funny. I love it.
Speaker 3:
I love it, but it is and it does require us to be vulnerable, you know, and that is something that's really uncomfortable for a lot of people, particularly with our children. Yes, but vulnerability is actually a strength and and I think they learn a lot from that when we're willing to be. But excellent, thank you. So this is the Meet Hope podcast, so we do look for areas of hope. So what I want to do is take a minute and ask you, talking to our parents who are listening right now, what word of hope can you offer them? So, for our zero through preschool parents, what word of hope can you offer them?
Speaker 5:
Those preschool age, those young ages, they are exhausting. I just remember being so tired those first couple of years between the sleeping and the napping and the not napping and all the energy that comes out of those little guys in between is really exhausting. And so the hope is that you will sleep again, that the physical needs become less demanding as they age.
Speaker 3:
Yes, yes, I can remember sitting in the doctor's office and watching a mom come in with a newborn and just crying Like I remember that feeling. All you're so tired. You know it's, it is exhausting period of life. Yes, hang in there.
Speaker 1:
Hang in there.
Speaker 3:
So how about? What hope would you offer these parents of elementary school students?
Speaker 5:
Right. So the elementary years are all about teaching and modeling and training and disciplining and consequences and responsibility and respect a lot of big things that aren't always fun to teach, but if we do it, and we do it consistently and we do it well, as they get a little older, around middle school, we start to see those pay off. So, seeing our kids take responsibility, remembering to bring their things to school, turning in their projects on time without us chasing after them, making the right choices with friends because they've been shown you know so just that we start to see the benefits of all the work we've done, which is exciting.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, that's a very cool thing. So that next stage of life is the teen and preteen stage, and since I'm the only one who's survived that so far in this room there, is their hope there is I promise.
Speaker 3:
No, it does. You will like them again. They are wonderful. You do get to see that payoff in new ways. You know there are some real challenges that occur in everyone's teen and preteen years. It just is. But when you get to watch them, learn from the examples you've set, the conversations you've had and apply that information when you are there safe place which unfortunately sometimes means that you get the bad behavior because they feel safe there is reward even in that, because you know that they are comfortable and know you will accept them and love them and so they can try out that bad behavior with you at home Doesn't mean it's okay, but you can try it out.
Speaker 3:
It is, but you will survive it. You will get through it and you're going to have some really awesome people on the other side. It's very cool. We're starting to see that ourselves now.
Speaker 5:
And really I think, at any stage in parenting bringing others around us and being part of community is so huge, Whether it's to speak into our lives or our children's lives. We need people.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I can't imagine my girls. You know for those of you who don't know, they're 20 and 18. And I cannot imagine raising these girls without having had hope. Youth, the adults that volunteer and have spoken into the lives of my girls over the past eight, 12 years, have been amazing, and you know they get to a point where they're done here and what I have to say.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 3:
And so I need to make sure that there are people around them who they love and who are going to tell them the same things. I would, you know, because we believe the same things and we're headed the same path in life and uh, and the community is huge and we've always been involved in small groups.
Speaker 4:
Yeah, whether you know whether it be when we were you know, marriage, small groups prior to having children and then being involved in small groups, you know, with other parents. That's huge. You know, when you get into a room and you sit down, you realize that everyone's going through the same things.
Speaker 3:
It's like oh, it's like, wow, it's not just. This is normal.
Speaker 4:
Yes, it's, it's, it's, it's huge. Get involved. Get involved in those small groups.
Speaker 3:
Absolutely, and, um, I want thank you guys. Thank you so much for being here, and I do. I want to end on that note because I want to encourage people. Um, first off, keep your eyes open for Amanda and Lou Small Groups, because they are the place to be. I kid you not, they're awesome. Um, and also, you know, we want to encourage you to find your place, whether it is here with us at Hope or, um, at a church near you. We want to encourage you to plug in and find Hope where God has it placed before you.
Speaker 2:
Thanks for being a part of the Hope community as we continue our conversations about faith and hope. If you don't already, please join us for worship on Sundays or on demand. You can learn more at meethopeorg or find us on socials at meethopeorg.